Oh Man. Guess what?! Yesterday was my 5 week anniversary of entering the MTC! I only have about 3 1/2 weeks left before they send me to Chile. I can hardly believe it! This upcoming Monday one of the districts in our zone is leaving. We will be sad because they are so awesome! AND because once they leave MY district will be the oldest district in the zone! How did THAT happen?? Serious craziness! I LOVE my district and my zone. I am surrounded by uplifting, encouraging, and faithful people. I am no longer the Coordinating Sister, but I am now in a trio (so I have two companions instead of just one). It is fun! During our language study sometimes we go on "flashcard walks" where we use our flashcards to create sentences using words we are trying to learn. It's a nice break from sitting in the classroom:) Sometimes we get pretty giggly though. Hmmm...what else is new? Oh and we have gym time everyday except Thursday and Sunday. Usually I just stretch and do some push-ups/crunches etc. And I am getting pretty good! Already I've increased the amount of push-ups I can do by 10!! I told one of the Hermanas in my district that if I kept this up I could do over 100 push-ups by the end of my mission! Haha...she told me that I probably had better things to do than try to increase my push-up capabilities...I think she's right:)
Here in the MTC we are not allowed to listen to music. It seems like a strict rule, but I am sure it is in place because the rule was abused in the past. The result though is that when I am able to hear music it is that much more powerful of an experience! I value it so much more! (I usually hear music at Music and The Spoken Word every Sunday morning and sometimes when my teacher shows us Mormon Messages). The music that I am able to hear here is SO uplifting and inspiring. Yesterday i thought to myself...I never want to listen to any other music than music that invites the Spirit into my life! I've just been noticing how powerful music is for good in my life and the good thoughts it inspires and I know it can be that much more powerful as a destructive and distracting noise in our lives. On the subject of music, I LOVE the hymns. Lately I will get random hymns stuck in my head. When I go look up the hymn in my hymnbook and read the words and the scriptures that relate to them I learn so much! The hymns speak to me! For example, in the MTC choir we sang the hymn "Oh May My Soul Commune With Thee". One of the verses says something along the lines of "Oh may my soul commune with thee and find thy holy peace, from worldly cares and pain of fear, please bring me sweet release". Even though it says "pain of fear" in my mind I heard "fear of pain" and it caused me to reflect on how painful it can be to be afraid; afraid of failing, afraid of not being loved or accepted, afraid of not being good enough, afraid of not being strong enough or capable enough, afraid of the future, afraid of losing someone or something. There are SO many things that we can be afraid of; I know I am afraid of a lot of things. This hymn reminded me though that through Jesus Christ we can be freed from this "pain of fear" because Jesus Christ provides hope and salvation.
Another song that was stuck in my head yesterday actually is not even in our hymnbook. I started singing it and didn't know all the words and couldn't remember the title. I tried to find it in the hymnbook to no avail. Finally after trying to figure out all day what the song was, I thought it might be "Faith in Every Footstep", a hymn that used to be in our hymbook but isn't anymore. I don't know where I heard it or why it was in my head, but it's my favorite song right now! I looked it up on LDS.org (I finally figured out that we do have access to lds.org:) and it indeed was Faith in Every Footstep. The lyrics that were particularly in my head were "O ye that embark in the service of God, give heart, mind and strength unto him". The song is about the pioneers, but I find it very applicable to myself and fellow missionaries. One of our teachers talked to us this week about giving everything to the Lord. He talked to us about how at the end of our missions, if we have given our all, we will know that our missions were a success. On Tuesday we had Elder Zivic of the Quorum of the Seventy come speak to us. He talked about this too and quoted Ghandi who said "Total dedication is complete victory". I like how that quote doesn't say that positive performance or astounding results is complete victory. Elder Zivic's talk, my teachers lesson, and the lyrics of that hymn have come together to teach me about giving everything I have and am to the Lord. I am still learning what that means, but I know that if I give my heart, mind, and strength to the Lord, He will make my efforts a victory!
This week I've also been thinking a lot about Jesus' life while He was here on the earth. My companions and I have, on occasion, been to visit a member of our District Presidency. When we go to his office, he teaches us out of the scriptures. It is a really neat experience. In his office are some beautiful paintings of the Savior. He told me they were done by Liz Lemon Swindle. My favorites were one of Jesus standing on the edge of a body of water and one of the story of Jesus forgiving the adulterous woman (He That Is Without Sin). That is one of my favorite stories of Jesus. Jesus knew people's hearts, and He loved them. He administered to people perfectly to meet their needs and fill their souls. I've been thinking a lot about other instances in the scriptures where Jesus healed people, and taught them. The district presidency member talked to us about being folllowers of Christ. He asked us what those who follow actually do and then taught us that following means to do as the leader does. As followers of Christ we do not just listen to His words, we do what He did, and the more I think about His life, I am seeing more what my responsibility is as His follower. To love, and serve, and heal, and teach people. I love Jesus Christ and I long to be like Him.
My time is up! Thank you for all you do to send me your love and support!! Whether through letters or prayers, I get them both:)
Con amour,
Hermana Diane Bowns
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
August 18, 2011
Has this been a full week or what!? Missionaries here in the MTC say that on your mission days go by like weeks and weeks go by like days. It is odd but true. Slowly and surely my Spanish is getting better! I'm actually starting to occasionally conjugate verbs correctly (like be able to say "I will pray" instead of "I to pray" - yeah it's exciting and helps people understand you better:)
Whew, last Thursday was rough though. My companion and I were teaching one of our investigators (one of our teachers who pretends to be an investigator). We tried something new. We didn't try to memorize phrases in Spanish, we identified what we thought he needed to know and feel and then tried to rely on the Spirit. Sadly it was a DISASTER! The whole lesson I was thinking, we must be missing something here, because this isn't working out how we had hoped. I know we could have prepared better for sure! The beginning of the lesson wasn't all that bad, but somewhere we got scared and I had no idea what to say or teach, my companion didn't know what we were talking about and it was just awkward. It finally ended with me tellling my companion in english "we're going now". Ugh. Our teacher sat us down to discuss what has happened. He started giving us some suggestions, but this day had been frustrating before this experience happened and I lost it. Yes, I cried in front of my teacher. Those of you who know me well, know that i do not cry in front of people. Not as a rule, just because me emotions don't often get the best of me. For some reason everything had built up and I couldn't help it. I was weepy for like 30 minutes! I think I scared my teacher because my companion was like "Um, I have NEVER seen Hermana Bowns cry". I wasn't crying because I felt like a failure, or because i thought the lesson was the worst it could've been (it definitely could have been worse), or because I had lost hope, given up, or thought i was stupid or incapable - none of those things. Rather i was crying because the thing I hate most in the world is to feel frustrated, uncomfortable, embarassed - and I definitely felt all those things. I felt like I was trying really hard to do the things we had been taught, but I wasn't getting it quite right. I made up a good analogy for my teacher to try to explain why, although i was sitting there crying, i was okay and would be fine. I told him that it is like babies. They cannot walk until they learn how to walk. So i as a missionary cannot teach well until I learn to teach well, and I cannot speak Spanish well until I learn to speak Spanish well. It is just a natural law of life. Some growth and progression is necessary but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. We fall down over and over and over. And while we are crawling along, we are acutely aware of the fact that we can't walk yet (or at least i am in the missionary sense) I know I have so much to learn. And I know I will learn it, but it is still difficult. But I learned many great lessons from that. And I learned that in suffering hardships we become better and we become more like our Savior (who suffered more than any of us!) Some of the elders in my district have a favorite quote from Elder Holland, "The road to salvation goes through Gethsemane". This story does have a happy ending. The next lesson we taught our investigator we had prepared so much better and had figured some things out. Our investigator said he would be baptized! After the lesson our teacher told us that he had intended to put up a fight about being baptized, but (as an investigator and as our teacher) he felt the Spirit so strong and couldn't deny that feeling. our teacher told us that during that lesson we had taught as well as any missionary in the field. What a compliment! And he told us it wasn't because we wpoke good Spanish (because we didn't). I know it is because we taught with the Spirit! This doesn't mean we're in the clear and we'll never teach a bad lesson again, but we learned some things about how to teach more effectively!
Another great experience I had this week was on Sunday during our Relief Society meeting. Sister Rosemary Wixom (the General Primary President) came and spoke to us. I don't quite remember what the point of her whole talk was, but I remember vividly a video clip she showed us called "My Joy is Full". (Maybe if you can find it, put it on the blog!!) It is a clip of when Jesus appears to the Nephites and I think it might be in The Testaments. Anyway I know I've seen the clip before, but before we watched it on Sunday, Sister Wixom asked us to pay attention to what the Spirit was teaching us. And holy cow, the Spirit taught me something beautiful and precious. I don't have a whole lot of time to recount it, so I'll just type up what I wrote in my journal about it:
The images and messages in the video were so powerful. When Jesus took a man's crippled hand into His own and covered it, looked into the man's eyes, smiled, released his hand and it was made whole! Wow. In that moment I saw myself, with my spiritually crippled hands, and how if i let Christ enfold me, hold me in His hands He would make me whole and useful! Also he healed a blind woman. She knew who Christ was, she lovingly touched His hands, but when her eyes were opened and she SAW the living God with new eyes, she saw and understood God more than she ever had before. And she turned to see others (her daughter) as she had never seen them before - with greater love! At first i only saw how I am and need to be the one that Christ administers to and asked myself, "How can I put myself in God's hands?" But then i saw two other insights. First that not only do I need to experience this healing, but I need to also facilitate this healing. I, as a missionary and representative of Jesus Christ, need to help others put themselves in Christ's hands so that they can be healed and have their eyes opened! Also I was struck by the powerful message that what Jesus Christ does is CHANGE us. This is what His Gospel, this life, and missionary work are all about! We want not just to be "saved" by Jesus Christ, but changed by Him; healed by Him.
If you can find it, watch that video clip. The message was so clear and powerful to me: Jesus Christ heals us and makes us whole! What a wonderful and beautiful thing! Learn to put yourself into His hands and allow Him to heal you:)
I love you all! Thank you for your constant love, support, prayers, and letters:)
Con amor, Hermana Bowns
Whew, last Thursday was rough though. My companion and I were teaching one of our investigators (one of our teachers who pretends to be an investigator). We tried something new. We didn't try to memorize phrases in Spanish, we identified what we thought he needed to know and feel and then tried to rely on the Spirit. Sadly it was a DISASTER! The whole lesson I was thinking, we must be missing something here, because this isn't working out how we had hoped. I know we could have prepared better for sure! The beginning of the lesson wasn't all that bad, but somewhere we got scared and I had no idea what to say or teach, my companion didn't know what we were talking about and it was just awkward. It finally ended with me tellling my companion in english "we're going now". Ugh. Our teacher sat us down to discuss what has happened. He started giving us some suggestions, but this day had been frustrating before this experience happened and I lost it. Yes, I cried in front of my teacher. Those of you who know me well, know that i do not cry in front of people. Not as a rule, just because me emotions don't often get the best of me. For some reason everything had built up and I couldn't help it. I was weepy for like 30 minutes! I think I scared my teacher because my companion was like "Um, I have NEVER seen Hermana Bowns cry". I wasn't crying because I felt like a failure, or because i thought the lesson was the worst it could've been (it definitely could have been worse), or because I had lost hope, given up, or thought i was stupid or incapable - none of those things. Rather i was crying because the thing I hate most in the world is to feel frustrated, uncomfortable, embarassed - and I definitely felt all those things. I felt like I was trying really hard to do the things we had been taught, but I wasn't getting it quite right. I made up a good analogy for my teacher to try to explain why, although i was sitting there crying, i was okay and would be fine. I told him that it is like babies. They cannot walk until they learn how to walk. So i as a missionary cannot teach well until I learn to teach well, and I cannot speak Spanish well until I learn to speak Spanish well. It is just a natural law of life. Some growth and progression is necessary but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. We fall down over and over and over. And while we are crawling along, we are acutely aware of the fact that we can't walk yet (or at least i am in the missionary sense) I know I have so much to learn. And I know I will learn it, but it is still difficult. But I learned many great lessons from that. And I learned that in suffering hardships we become better and we become more like our Savior (who suffered more than any of us!) Some of the elders in my district have a favorite quote from Elder Holland, "The road to salvation goes through Gethsemane". This story does have a happy ending. The next lesson we taught our investigator we had prepared so much better and had figured some things out. Our investigator said he would be baptized! After the lesson our teacher told us that he had intended to put up a fight about being baptized, but (as an investigator and as our teacher) he felt the Spirit so strong and couldn't deny that feeling. our teacher told us that during that lesson we had taught as well as any missionary in the field. What a compliment! And he told us it wasn't because we wpoke good Spanish (because we didn't). I know it is because we taught with the Spirit! This doesn't mean we're in the clear and we'll never teach a bad lesson again, but we learned some things about how to teach more effectively!
Another great experience I had this week was on Sunday during our Relief Society meeting. Sister Rosemary Wixom (the General Primary President) came and spoke to us. I don't quite remember what the point of her whole talk was, but I remember vividly a video clip she showed us called "My Joy is Full". (Maybe if you can find it, put it on the blog!!) It is a clip of when Jesus appears to the Nephites and I think it might be in The Testaments. Anyway I know I've seen the clip before, but before we watched it on Sunday, Sister Wixom asked us to pay attention to what the Spirit was teaching us. And holy cow, the Spirit taught me something beautiful and precious. I don't have a whole lot of time to recount it, so I'll just type up what I wrote in my journal about it:
The images and messages in the video were so powerful. When Jesus took a man's crippled hand into His own and covered it, looked into the man's eyes, smiled, released his hand and it was made whole! Wow. In that moment I saw myself, with my spiritually crippled hands, and how if i let Christ enfold me, hold me in His hands He would make me whole and useful! Also he healed a blind woman. She knew who Christ was, she lovingly touched His hands, but when her eyes were opened and she SAW the living God with new eyes, she saw and understood God more than she ever had before. And she turned to see others (her daughter) as she had never seen them before - with greater love! At first i only saw how I am and need to be the one that Christ administers to and asked myself, "How can I put myself in God's hands?" But then i saw two other insights. First that not only do I need to experience this healing, but I need to also facilitate this healing. I, as a missionary and representative of Jesus Christ, need to help others put themselves in Christ's hands so that they can be healed and have their eyes opened! Also I was struck by the powerful message that what Jesus Christ does is CHANGE us. This is what His Gospel, this life, and missionary work are all about! We want not just to be "saved" by Jesus Christ, but changed by Him; healed by Him.
If you can find it, watch that video clip. The message was so clear and powerful to me: Jesus Christ heals us and makes us whole! What a wonderful and beautiful thing! Learn to put yourself into His hands and allow Him to heal you:)
I love you all! Thank you for your constant love, support, prayers, and letters:)
Con amor, Hermana Bowns
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